Archive for the ‘Myself (XP)’ Category

I literally just watched Emma Blackery’s video entitled; “Feel Good 101: Depression.” Hence the title. And I just wanted to touch–more like agree with one of the things she said, when she was talking about selfishness. One thing she talked about was doing things for yourself, small things, big things, just…. stuff, you know? I’ll link the video just below here, but what I’m getting at is that she wanted you to know that even if you aren’t in a place where you can talk to someone, it’s important that we at least try and enjoy bits and pieces of life to the best of our ability.

I can totally vouch for her on the selfishness thing. Like she said, don’t be a big asshole about it lol, but the reason I got depression originally was because I didn’t give a crap about myself. All I cared about was other people, family mainly. Which SOUNDS like a really brave and selfless thing to do for your family… but it’s not….. when you’re being an idiot about it.
I learned that I needed to care about myself, and excel. Otherwise, I would be doing my family, and overall myself, a disservice by not seeing what I was capable of. First you gotta figure out why life’s worth living, that I already knew though. What I still have trouble with is how I need to go about it. Just take a few proper steps in the right direction, and get help–For crying out loud, take it from me, you do NOT want to do this alone. So, if you do have someone, call out, cry out if you have to.
Just think, you are no less than anyone else. You’re in a bad place, but that does not mean you are broken for good. You are capable of great things, and I know this because you are human. We’re the smartest creatures on this planet (that we know of ;P), but we never act like it because for animals, they need to learn things right away, survival of the fittest. We take over twenty years to properly grow and experience life to its fullest, lol. As well we should <.< And to be honestly confident in whatever you want to do, that DOES take years, if we’re talking Veteran/Boss status xD
So, all in all, remember that you matter. Or let me tell you that you DO matter. Life is a precious thing, and a terrible thing to waste. So, if are able to talk to your parents about all this, I would give you the biggest shoulder-punch of admiration you’ll ever get in your entire lifetime. If you can’t go to your parents–me, personally, I’d  more likely than not go to my sister, cause we’re pretty tight, I’d say. All in all, I would encourage you to keep it in the family if at all possible.
A lot of people treat family like a bad marriage, like divorce is just around the corner. If you still have a family, hold onto it. I understand though that there are a lot of broken families out there, so there’s always teachers, in-school counselors, doctors–I think I would go for the depression hotlines that you could find the number to online, maybe a computer at school, the library, a friend’s when they aren’t looking ;), or just plain at home. The reason being is cause I don’t like doctors very much, not trying to talk you out of it or anything, lol. I’m just saying, in my own opinion, that if they put you on drugs–THEY AREN’T HELPING YOU!
Some people are really worse off that they need a pill, but if you aren’t having panic attacks every 5 minutes, I beg of you to just find a good doctor that you can really talk to and one that listens to you. Because that’s what’s gonna get your head in a good place, not some drug that you probably have done no research on whatsoever.  Some people can’t sit still… I would know. But sometimes, most of the time even, all you need is someone to listen to and someone to vent to. I would highly suggest also talking about things you’d like to do, or see, go to–blah, blah, blah lol. Setting goals can be hard, cause they feel so far away, you feel like your ambition will never last that long. But like a lot of things, it’s great to talk about it, and it’s great to keep it alive that way, yeah?
So, thank you for listening to my ramble on depression/learning to be selfish/treatment options. Really, I’ve been there, and it is not a good place. Twice I’ve been there and for two different reasons, so I must relay this back to you one more time, you do NOT…… you do not want to do this alone, believe me. And I hope anyone who is going through this gets the help you need 🙂
Bye-bye now.

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That’s what I believe in! If you don’t got it, get it! Especially if you’ve been accused of being hypomanic, because it is scientifically proven that many under hypomanic conditions work better, in creative situations, with greater increases of momentum.

Friend: Is that really true?
Me: mmmm–I dunno.

Now, I’ve stopped momentum to write about this–HOWEVER, I strongly feel that I need to take advantage of this here tool that dares call itself “momentum.” Simply because…. I have a horrible excuse for a willpower, lol. The goal here is to fight for momentum, FIGHT FOR IT, I SAY! But not just momentum, dudes and lady-dudes… no. I plan to use this “tool” oh so very EVIL projects that I would normally crumble in… meh, two weeks? About as long as a New Year resolution, eh? XD (*mumbles* speaking of which, I should get on that… <.<)

This may just be the very vantage point I need, hehehe… But I need JUST the right project for this, which shouldn’t be too hard, cause I got more projects on hiatus than I know what to do with lol… *looks up at the mountain-sized projects*….. …. ….. ……. … ……………. …. ………. ….. ……………….. … This may be a big–bit tougher than I originally thought >.> But I do already have a project in mind, it’s a part of perfectionism syndrome, pre-predetermined choices v.v

Save Case Closed IS this project… my only dilemma is time, do I ever have enough to go around? OF COURSE NOT!!! That means I need to really prioritize and organize, not just the project I am turning my focus to, but other hovering projects so that they won’t seep into my primary work. Get the flow going all nice-like, naww I mean? But you know what? I’m up for the challenge….. probably! All right, whatever. I can feel those judging eyes, and you may have the right, but ‘I’ reserve the right to completely pwn you all when the time is right!!! ^_^ I am, however, off to a great start, don’tchu tink?



And I know what you’re thinking, that’s a gaming controller–BUT, I’m not fooling around, ‘kay? That’s Ghost Recon, man! I’m prepping for my full freaking scale attack on this here anime campaign, ya heard?! B| I only expect to work tirelessly! “Yeah, around the clock. Coal miners won’t know of my exhaustion, I don’t even think landscapers can begin to imagine–well, not to undermine their sacrifice.” ~ Roxy via Platoon of Power Squadron.

Mission…. set!
…. Saru Knight……… execute!!!


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Waning: Lengthy post  *nervous chuckle*

Being a man of logic sure does have its perks. (Man in background: “Ain’t that the truth!”) One who can commit to logic like it’s second nature is a rare one, apparently. Or first nature? I dunno. I never really thought about it like that, but it would explain quite a few things that always puzzled me. Mental acuity though isn’t everything, is it? I think everything has a balance, doesn’t it? The mind is quite the popular one, isn’t it? Cause the opposite of the mind is the heart, which isn’t what we’re talking about. We’re talking about the mind’s other best friend, something I’ve never really found the right for. But it’s basically physical fitness. And no, that doesn’t seem quite right.

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I am a real-life curious cat. I may not be the biggest detective geek, or the smartest kid in the classroom, but that’s the thing about curiosity, isn’t it? You don’t really have to be, it’s more of a…. near-lust desire to experience anything & everything, ya’know? And BEING a curious cat, puzzles, and even more so, the inner mechanics of something, always strikes a chord in me. Making the more complex of stuffs the most desirable and tasty thing in my eyes alone, not to mention based purely on fact. Simplicity is, for lack of a better word, a curious thing too when it wants to be, so that’s up there too, and not on the bottom. But complexity is such a mesmerizing concept.

The mind is the most complex, and yet, simple thing on this planet… possibly. Probably though. Which is most likely the reason why I am so drawn to it, why it peaks my interest so thoroughly. But I forget! Mental acuity has a brother, yang. Although, in this case, I would think “mind” is yang, and physical fitness would be–see?! Doesn’t fit, nope. But yeah, physical fitness would be Yin. After all, martial arts itself was not invented to hurt others, but to offer peace to the mind. Individually, they are powerful, but together, they are a force not to be reckoned with.

Physical fitness…. What can I say about physical fitness? Well, I can tell you one thing, it’s something that I have suppressed for a long time, and my affinity for it. So, not so much the act itself, though that does follow, but the exact same affinity I have for mental acuity, I have for physical fitness. As torturous as strengthening the mind is, at least I could go as far as the mind could think and not get tired so fast. So, in a way, it was just easier.

But now, I have hit a wall. Control has gotten harder, and my current environment only makes it more difficult. If I don’t handle this now, it’ll only be a problem for me later. In layman’s terms, the balance is off. The mind is outweighing the body. The physical attribute needs to put his effort in too. It can’t just be lazy, the mind will not carry all the weight. That–that’s gotta stop. That’s gotta stop. But I guess this is what I’ve been working up to, so… I think it’s time I learn how to be bullet-proof…. that’s a metaphor, and a PoPS reference, try to keep up. But maybe I shouldn’t talk. After all, this title and theme of this post is “My Endurance Affinity,” and we’ve hardly gotten into that, sort of.

But I forget just how easily my heart-rate goes up, figuratively speaking, when I endure physical exertion. Like, when I run, I suddenly feel some type of… high gear. That’s probably more bark than bite on an average Joe. But with me, that can take me quite a ways. So, when I get this way, I kick it up a notch, (or two, depending on how my body’s doing that day) and when I do that… sometimes it feels like I’m flying. God forbid that I know how fast I am ACTUALLY going 😉 But I get just as much of a high from that as I do from psycho-analyzing somebody, or reading a situation from a psychological point-of-view.

This is gonna take some thinking about. Same affinity, but as they’re are traps of the mind, they’re are traps of the body as well. And I don’t know the physical attribute anywhere NEAR as well as I do the mental attribute. So, I don’t want to do it in a way where my body will give out and break down on me when I’m older. No over doing it, that’s for sure. Meaning, I need to know when to stop “drinking” when I’m at my limit lol. Which shouldn’t be too hard, in theory. But with my affinity, I should keep a weather eye out, just in case.

You know that whirring sound you hear when tv shows feature people who’s had too much caffeine, or sugar, or some experimental something-or-other? Or just when a giant machine is powering up? Yeah, that’s something like the feeling I get when I get excited. Hands start shaking, sometimes my legs. But most of the time, my legs are just whispering to me *creepy voice “Doooo it!!!….. DO iiiit!!!!” Jaykay. Ell-oh-ell. em-oh, moving on. Just had to get that off my chest.

Soooooo…. I can’t believe I forgot—well, actually I can lol. But it’s still unbelievable that I forgo–wha–hmmm…. Yeeeeah, I guess I have a soft spot for knowledge and wisdom, but the physical attribute will be glorious. Glorious, I say. But what does this mean? More activity, for sure. But what kind? Not saying dancing will open up any time soon, but maybe in the future. Sports is an obvious option…. hm. Cooking is another, of course, but I’m talking big cooking. Lot of preparation, and focus. And then there’s the plain direct option; Exercise.

This will be a challenge. Though I do admit to breeze through a lot of things in the world of my own psyche torture maze, like a boss. But I have reached my peak, and it was no easy task. And now that I have reached my peak, I can go no further until I catch my physical fitness up, for it is directly linked to my mind. In fact,  the mental attribute is like…. 80% mental, and 20% physical, and vice-versa with physical fitness. Simply put, it’s like walking. The mind is the left leg, and physical fitness is the right, and you can’t move the left leg any further if the right leg won’t move. So, even though I’ll be building character, and even more affinity for life, it will be great to taste the deliciousness of the fruit that shows you just how far the body can go, if nurtured and trained, just like the mind.

Seems like most people have it the other way around, so just for the record, for those people, you gotta work out your brain, not just in knowledge, but in wisdom as well….. duh. If it makes you feel better, if it’s any consolation, even though that part came somewhat easy for me, at least physical fitness will throw me around like a rag doll lol. Beat me like an old blanket xD. That’ll be fun -_-

This will require, and more importantly, take willpower, and focus. Concentrated focus. I say that cause my focus is fine, but my concentrated focus needs a LOT of work. So does my willpower. Because most of the time, it’s not willpower that keeps me going, it’s curiosity, a strong conviction, and/or stubbornness.

All right people, this monkey is signing off. Take it easy.
Bye-bye now.

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Some people think you need a child’s heart to hear the melody of color, and no doubt a child is probably quite capable. But the funny thing about a child is that in youth we learn, in age we understand. We understand, we know, we…. can appreciate the things in our lives, fully. Humans are notorious for taking things for granted, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still appreciate.


For as long as I can remember (no, really), I’ve seen the world in a…. different kind of light. I wish it was normal, and despite that it’s normal to ME, I don’t actually believe it IS normal lol. Like, a thick fog is not ever just a thick fog. a fan spinning round and round isn’t just spinning… round, and round. A slug on a pathway is not just a slug on a–nothing is ever really just what it seems in my head. It might not even be related at all! rofl. It’s where my joy for life comes from, and I always see beauty in it, even the dark stuff lol (not a good idea btw.)

But the fact that it isn’t normal…. I think that’s really sad! lol. I mean, God forbid 7 billion Saru’s running around this giant blueberry. But still, ya’know? It’s not just about enjoying life, but really seeing it. Having a moment be real, touching things you don’t actually feel. Yeah lol. The world is still sleeping while I keep on dreaming. Kind of sounds sorrowful, if you think about it I mean.

I just want to be able to use this ability. I forget that I have the honor of seeing life in this light myself. It’s kind of like…. the first day it really feels like spring. Man, do I remember what that was like for me as a kid lol. Crisp air, the whole neighborhood shining bright, and me and my bike. Back then though, I could only ride around the neighborhood, not into town lol. But you know, seeing it is hearing it, and vice-versa. Smelling it, tasting it. And the infamous touch. Of course, if you mention “touch” in this world, even a decent lady will think of something dirty lol. Now, you might really understand why I said the world is sleeping xD.

But how do I use this ability? Well, it’s not really an ability, actually….. per se xP. At the beginning of this post, I said a child’s heart is plenty capable. I think another way to put it is that a child’s heart can put out energy, whereas the adult can harness that energy. And at the same time, the heart can grow stronger, stronger than you ever expected out of yourself. A wise man once said that you must imagine yourself stronger than you ever thought possible, because that’s how strong you’ll become…. or something like that xD. But I believe it to be true. I’m not saying be a superman, or exceed the limits given to you. I’m saying….. expect to increase your output. It’s something that you can’t really understand at first, but once you up your game, it gets easier to see outside your limits, and find a way to reach that level.

Like, you know how parents say that you can become anything you set your minds to? (Such a cliche nowadays lol) Well, I truly believe that. A lot of people aren’t strong enough to even think to believe it, but it’s true. For the most part xD. Everyone’s capable of great good, and great evil, eh? And to me, you can’t get either of those with a little hard work….. that’s an understatement. It takes a LOT of work 😉 A lot, lot, lot, lot! >;D

It all just starts with one simple question…. what’s my next obstacle? And maybe you’ll want to ask this too: Is that a delay, or just part of the journey? Giving into life’s cheap temporary highs doesn’t seem all that satisfying to me. You see work? I see a ride that keeps on going, and uhhh, oh yeah! I’m gonna ride it for as long as I can!! Maybe I’ve been blessed with some pretty sweet, state-of-the-art tools, yeah? But it wasn’t eas–it STILL isn’t lol. What am I talking about? “Wasn’t” xD. Stupid. Past tense, get out of here! No one wants you! Internal pain is consistent, but it’s highly overrated though. I mean, really. I mean, really. Physical pain? It’s a bit more demanding, and I’d find that to be hell, but again, highly overrated.

Well, whatever. I think I made some good points here, don’t you think? I’m going now cause it’s 5:30 am, and I still need some sleep….. like I’m gonna get it lol.

Bye-bye now.

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Did I ever explain what the secret poject was about? Maybe, but let’s have a refresh. What do you say, hmmmmmmmm?

So, I spent last night, Sunday night actually, looking for  how-to’s on anything relating to trading card games, or tcg’s. About them, making them, all that jazz. I thought about doing this nearly a decade ago (WOW!)–Well, not THAT long ago…. kinda. It was in early puberty, maybe earlier. But I was in way over my head at the time, and even then–whoa :o. All the same reasons I was doing it then are pretty much the same now, only more so. Ya see, back then, all I wanted to do was make a card game where I could just plain make cool cards and play it with… well, I didn’t have a whole lot of friends, possibly none at the time lol… But uhh, I also, as a Christian, didn’t feel that playing a game like Yu-Gi-Oh! was considered “okay.”

Not bashing the game really, nor the show for that matter. The fact that they were good forms of entertainment, drawing, captivating, and all around enjoyable are the reasons why a kid likes a show, why people like shows. And for a kid like me, that’s just something that’s so magnetic to your psyche, it’s freaky awesome xP. But to put it plain and simple, I didn’t like that there were monsters, I didn’t like that there were demons, all that satonic crap. And it’s not even about believing it, it’s about indulging it. Though, at the same time, I’m also kind of annoyed at the fact that the fantasy genre has taken over the TCG market. Yu-Gi-Oh!, Magic: The Gathering, Pokemon, Bakugan, redak–something or other lol. It makes plenty of sense, and that’s cool for them. Even back then though, I genuinely wanted was to make a card game that someone didn’t have to feel weird about liking in any way.

In an interview I had with myself in my head, where the TCG I produced with a friend became ultra popular, I talked about how people, parents essentially, want to feel good about giving their kids suitable content to interact with, but that sounds really lame to be completely honest with you all lol. Kind of sounds like they’re baby-proofing everything you want to mess with xD. I just want to provide the option. I’m not talking about some revolutionary idea, but a simple card game. Not a “simple” card game, simple enough. We ARE talking about a strategy game here. Of course, I’m only talking about producing this card game for myself, friends and family. Not to sell on the market. Duh, guys. But hey, what’s wrong with that? One can argue “Well, what’re wrong with it, huh?” At which point, I would respond with “It’s not really about what’s wrong with it, but is it really necessary?” You don’t really think about those sort of things. I know we’re talking about a game, and the last thing I want to do is make some sort of case about this, but you see so much ridiculously over-the-top violence in video games, sexually exciting characters, and disturbing creatures in entertainment. Isn’t there a way to combine “edge” with something a little less….. well, THAT? lol. Like I said, don’t want to make a big thing out of this, all I’m saying is it seems like to ME that people feel the need to add all this type of content when there really is no reason to. Simple as that.

Got off track here, and I forgot about one key piece of information here. I’m probably not going to make it until… who knows how long. And one of THE BIGGEST reasons why I want to do this is because I love playing Yu-Gi-Oh! the trading card game lol. It’s really fun, and it’s good times with my brother. And strategy games are always MY domain >;D. So, basically, I’m gonna recreate Yu-Gi-Oh! Not to make money off of, cause that would be called Grand Theft Card-oh, and is frowned upon in some societies. Like I said, only for family (mainly just my brother and sister cause my mom would be lost in that game xD), and any friend who’s bored and willing. That’s what he said.

Speaking of which, if you say “That’s what HE said,” does it make it a homo joke? I wouldn’t think so, but I guess, if you think about it THAT way. I mean, if someone says “Another thing girls say is that guys don’t spend enough time with them. But when you think about it, it goes BOTH ways,” I would assume heterosexual, not homosexual. But see what I did there? xD Equality! (higaholic).

I’m STILL stuck on what I should replace the monsters in YGO with. Hmmm. Originally, I was thinking a bestial theme. That’s not only primal, but educational, and we all know children LOVE educational entertainment. Duh, guys. Right?…. guys? Duh. Duh, guys. It’s all about subtlety  Of course, it seems as though giving it a sci-fi coating may just do the trick. Soooooo, mechanical  beasts of some sort? The important thing here is to think “teenager-adult” when I am creating this. Cause even though I’m only putting YGO through reincarnation, and I’m not making it for the world, if it has a child feel to it, I’m gonna wanna puke myself lol. I want it to have EDGE. And I do have a standard I must meet, cause this is a game I’M gonna not only have to like, but like enough to create more and more of.

Last thing I want here is pressure though. Pressure to play a game? How sick is that?! Parents who put pressure on their kids to play sports or smother their creative minds, I only have this to say: “SSSSSssssssTOP IT!”  This is about fun, and ohhhhh, am I gonna have fun >;P. I actually already got some tips on making physical prototypes, but I think this is gonna run in a similar pace to Brothers. I’m gonna work on it, then stop, then work, then stop, you know? As much as I love a little pressure-motivation, I like that these are projects that I can just walk away from and know I’m come back to, that’s a good feeling for me. I’m always kind of worried that I’m gonna just forget about something I’m working on, (with good reason too) mostly with stories and junk, but same can go for projects like these. Brothers is a big project, and (let’s call it…, uhhh) Mechanical Prime is a minor project, so I think it’s okay now…… Kinda like that name. “Mechanical Prime.” Hm….. Nah, it reminds me a bit too much of Transformers ;P. Just kidding, it’ll be an option…. maybe.

I’ll talk more about this in another post, this one is too long lol. But this project is of great excitement for me, much like Brothers. Different, but in the same league…. surprisingly xD. Not sure what that means lol.

Bye-bye now.

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I lost?

The coin flip. I said to myself “Jacob, you haven’t felt like posting in a while, but let’s ask the coin.” Obviously, I’m not sure if I won or not lol. And I think I have a virus, cause my shockwave flash keeps saying it isn’t responding, which it has never done before, so… take that as you will. By the way, I just lost the game.  SO! Still trying to figure out what to talk about. Let’s ask the title XP. Hmm, I lost, eh? Lost what….. ….. …… ….. You know what I almost never lost at? Tether ball! I have been obsessed with the memory of me dominating that game on the playground the past few days rofl. I remember thinking about it a while back, last year maybe, but it wasn’t until recently how badly I could whoop the kids XD. Maybe it’s hard cause there is a bad memory that is tied in there.

This was 3rd grade, so like…. 2001, I’m horrible with math. But I hope I’m wrong, cause as I may have told you, 3rd grade was the highlight of my public school years, and the world went to hell that year. Though that has nothing to do with the bad memory xD. I just can’t help but think about NCIS when McGee got the chance to get a high school bully in the interrogation room where he could make him wet his pants cause, if you don’t know, McGee was a nerd. Still is, but lol. But the reason it reminds me of it is McGee said, while trying to make the bully think he was a bully when he was his age, the best part was that when high school ends, you won’t even remember their names, but they’ll remember you. The connection here is that she probably doesn’t even remember me, though she wasn’t bully, but the arrogance I had just makes me feel really bad lol. It’s stupid and I should just let it go, I was a kid then, it’s in the past. It’s funny too, cause I had a dream that I married her. Lol. Apparently, we were famous, cause I remember cameras flashing multiple, multiple times. Take that as you will, but I don’t remember if the dream occurred before or after, and even then.

But hey, other than that, it was good times. There was that moment where the ball just felt like it was giving you the opportunity to end the game right then and there xD. Or you just see that your opponent made a mistake and you’re like *evil chuckle* >;D. And I would know, I may have been good…. extremely good ;p. But I got my butt handed to me more than just once. Easily one of my best childhood memories ^_^. One of the few things I would quite possibly jump at in a heartbeat if I could relive it again. Cause it wouldn’t be the same if I did it now, simply because of the growth spurt guys get. It’s either cheating or a disadvantage….. I wouldn’t go back to the playground–well, I don’t know actually, but what I’m thinking about is an adult-sized version lol. That would be freakin’ AMAZING! 😛 Fun-sized my eye! XD.

You’d think all this would be a release of some kind, and you know? It is. I got to talk about it, and actually, I wanted to make a video, I even started on the script. But, unfortunately, another drawback came up on the vlogging. Hopefully, this one can be fixed in a timely manner. Oh yeah, and I was kidding about the release, it just makes me want a time machine THAT much more lol. Half joking x).

So, I think that’s about it! Byyyyyyyyyyye! 😀

–bye now.

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This appropriately belongs in the Thunder category because I have decided what I’m gonna do about Moonlight, the story I have in my back pocket. So, do I write it as a novel, or have a go with trying to produce a friggin’ show that I would most likely upload to YouTube? Obviously, I think the show would actually be harder, then again, I think writing a novel may be longer… surprisingly lol. Right from the start though, when I picked this back up, I had every intention to make it into a show one day, but it was originally going to be a novel, and I’ve been wanting to get back into it, the whole writing thing. The more though I think about it, the more I want to make it into a show, but not just one thing, but a  lot of things are pulling me towards the novel road.

I mean, you got the fact that it would be less complicated, more time with my thoughts and really give it a lot of attention personally. And it would also be good to have a novel version before making producing a show, for reference, for certainty, and you can bet your last noodle that I will not change one dang thing, like a lot of people do lol. It’s just so tempting, speaking as a creator xD. But on the other hand, the show would be much more collaborative and social, which is not only something that I fancy at the moment, but working on a novel could be a little more…. closed off, just a little.

I want to write the novel because time is a precious thing, and to have it is morphenomenal. Mainly, I want to go through the ups and downs, twists and turns, I want to get through the forest of ink and know that I had a full journey, 100% complete! And I think that if I should choose the show, then I skipping out on that experience….. boy, this is a toughie xP. But I think I’m gonna go with the show *DRAMATIC MUSIC!!!!!*

Preparation is a uhh, interest of mine, and while I’m kinda uneasy at the moment, that’s not what affected my decision. I think I MAY be choosing this over the other merely because I think it would be more fun….. that’s definitely one of the bigger reasons at least. I kinda just want to jump in, ya’know? I think I have a new confidence that I just recently picked up, like very recently. I mean, there’s kinda that “In hindsight” where you kinda felt it coming, but now it’s like…. music is playing, showing you that it’s fluent now. Well, maybe not fluent lol. I DID just get it after all. It’s kinda like when someone from Digimon digivolves for the first time, and they have this new awesome power, but they don’t yet know how to control it. That’s usually not the case actually lol. I do remember… Koji? I remember his brother, Koichi, but the kid who’s spirit is Lobomon, when he gets his beast form, he has so much power, he can’t exactly control it, which I think is brilliant. Having great power and just knowing how to use it right away is awesome, must feel amazing, but it’s more realistic if they don’t have complete and utter control upon using it for the first time.

But realizing this confidence has shown me a new light, a light I can use to view my options more clearly. Making it is gonna take a long time, and if I know my PoPS, and I do, it could take 6 to 7 months. Factoring in my lack of experience, maybe even a year, over a year. If it takes 2 years with little to show, I’m writing a friggin’ novel rofl But I think I know enough people to at least get it all started. And it’s not like this is the end for Saru the novelist, it was just one decision that came with a question, and no doubt that question will arise again. I gotta with my gut on this one though, I have a good feeling about it. I wish I were doing the novel, but I think it’s better this way, and maybe I’ll start work on the novel version, in the event I need a new perspective xP.

….. Damn this is gonna be a long process LOL. God, forgive me for my language….. I’m kinda…….. the adrenaline is still kinda pumping, so. I just pray that I can have something to show for all the hard work I’m gonna do before winter hits XD!!!

p.s. I’m gonna need my Chris (flashback: Sup’ Jake! 😀 *gets shot*), so, Eliza? You’ll be getting an e-mail from me when that time comes…. which should be in like, a couple of years xD. (I’ll explain tonight)

Bye-bye now.

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